Tightrope

I’m coughing on the edge
Flashes of eternal bliss
But tomorrow it will all be gone.
There ain’t much left
And the money’s all dried up.
Ram Dass said Be Here Now
That means make the high forever ascend
That means sweating, clawing sobriety tomorrow
For being a little closer to god tonight.
Cartilage collapses and the noses scab at our scratching fingers
A sickening pale glow in my supple face.
Swallow a pill
Smoke a cigarette
The college diet
You don’t need to eat when you’re speeding by on stimulants
Picking slivering morsels out of the cupboards.
We do it because it’s life
We do it because we love it.
We do it to write
And eventually
We need it to love.

We find ourselves in a limbo
Satisfy needs and finger nails fall away
Veins collapse
Sober up
Break away
And hallucinate
Mediate
Conform
Control.
I guess I’d rather fall apart as a tin man than turn into the vermin scurrying with the other rodents in the street.
That being said my teeth have yet to fall out of my teeth like a trail of crumbs following me everywhere I go.
And my gums aren’t yet charcoal crumbling away at touch
I am still alive
And for my now
I’ll chase the next high.

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